The Perfect Baby Blog

Troll dolls adopt lavish lifestyle, warp child’s expectations

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

Trolls are supposed to live under bridges. Or in fetid forest dens. They are supposed to be freaks, squat and bug-eyed—tolerated only because they happen to have spectacularly vivid, comb-able hair. Trolls are not supposed to be privileged trust-fund recipients who share a flashy two-story beach house and zip around scoring Ecstasy in their collectible […]

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A stern warning for parents about a certain American Idol

Thursday, May 14th, 2009

Here at Perfect Baby Handbook HQ, we have a short list of banned words. The first is “Danny.” The second is “Gokey.” Consequently, we’ve been forced to exult in the downfall of a certain “American Idol” contestant through the use of coded hand gestures. Our hands are aching…so much to discuss. After all, the key […]

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Baby preacher delivers whimsical, power-mad sermon

Saturday, April 25th, 2009

Some say parents are giving children too much power, allowing them to dictate what the family eats or where it vacations. This baby, for example. appears to be outlining exactly what his parents will be doing in hell. Although his remarks from the pulpit are a bit garbled, I’m pretty sure he begins by insisting […]

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