The Perfect Baby Blog

Perfect babies, perfect parents, and FAILure

Friday, August 7th, 2009

“My child must succeed! I will give her every opportunity to succeed! She will learn to write tricky words like ‘constitution’ in a lovely, calligraphic hand, but her vocabulary will never include ‘failure’!” It was such modest claims that inspired me to satirize competitive parenting in The Perfect Baby Handbook. Now, it turns out, that […]

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The invisible babies of Los Angeles

Monday, May 18th, 2009

As previously mentioned, Perfect Baby Handbook headquarters has temporarily relocated to Los Angeles. Silver Lake, to be exact. Though the staff and I had eagerly anticipated the opportunity to study L.A. perfect-baby culture in depth, so far we’ve spied only two infants. One was introduced to me as “very close to perfect.” And I couldn’t […]

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The Perfect Baby Handbook—Live in Brooklyn

Friday, May 8th, 2009

I recently popped up in BookCourt, Brooklyn’s leading independent bookstore, as part of the Perfect Baby Handbook “tour.” As this video of the proceedings reveals,  the tour requires me to look people in the eye while making ludicrous assertions about “bird cleavage” and babies who join Facebook. Attention West-Coast readers: In a more laid-back, centered, […]

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A rare glimpse of Perfect Baby Handbook Headquarters

Monday, April 27th, 2009

In response to those readers (mostly German) who’ve doubted the existence of The Perfect Baby Handbook Worldwide Headquarters on Montague Street, here it is. This is where the magic happens. At least 3/4 of the magic happens on the main floor. The middle floor is occupied by middling management, while junior departments auch as the […]

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Monday, April 13th, 2009


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