So I just discovered that Michael Jackson’s daughter, Paris, was born on April 3. The good news: So was I; it’s a really nice birthday. The bad news: Someday, Paris is going to read about herself in The Secret Language of Birthdays, this infamously rude, famously “accurate,” best-selling astrology book—and find out that she’s “demanding, […]

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Trust it to a website called “Droolicious—Modern Design for Modern Parents” to find a product to drool over in the middle of Michael Jackson’s memorial. The site’s post titled “What Was Blanket Holding?” dispenses with eulogistic ponderings and zeros in on the revelation that Jackson’s youngest son, Blanket, was gripping a “1995 Official Triumph International […]

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After reading new reports that the dangerously capricious King of Pop wants to adopt a British baby, I felt I better compose an Open Letter to All English Adoption Agencies: Dear Officials: If you are approached by Mr. Jackson, please remember that, in at least one aspect of responsible parenting—the obscuring one’s children’s faces with […]

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