The Perfect Baby Blog

Troll dolls adopt lavish lifestyle, warp child’s expectations

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

Trolls are supposed to live under bridges. Or in fetid forest dens. They are supposed to be freaks, squat and bug-eyed—tolerated only because they happen to have spectacularly vivid, comb-able hair. Trolls are not supposed to be privileged trust-fund recipients who share a flashy two-story beach house and zip around scoring Ecstasy in their collectible […]

» Continue reading "Troll dolls adopt lavish lifestyle, warp child’s expectations"

Stone-age vehicle beloved by toddlers outsells real cars!

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

This Saturday, the Little Tikes’ Cozy Coupe will be inducted into the Cleveland’s Crawford Auto-Aviation Museum hall of fame. The foot-powered Cozy Coupe—a shoddy, plastic reproduction of Fred Flintstone’s 7,000 B.C. Flintmobile—sold 457,000 units in 2008, outperforming both the Toyota Camry and the Honda Accord. What this means: Sooner or later, your baby will predictably […]

» Continue reading "Stone-age vehicle beloved by toddlers outsells real cars!"

Child (nearly) arrested for being a child

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

If taken literally, the name of my book, The Perfect Baby Handbook: A Guide for Excessively Motivated Parents, might suggest that I endorse the aggressive perfecting of infants. I don’t. PBH is a deadpan critique of over-parenting—gentle comic relief for those who are raising children in the the midst of madness. Surprisingly, its publication has […]

» Continue reading "Child (nearly) arrested for being a child"

Newsflash: Mozart was average, just practiced a lot!

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

Kids of America, beware! The New York Times has just given your parents the okay to ruin your lives. Op-ed writer/sadist David Brooks, summarizing recent research into the genesis of genius, dismisses Mozart’s innate talent and credits his dad, Mr. Mozart Sr., for whipping the lame young composer into a superhuman: What Mozart had, we […]

» Continue reading "Newsflash: Mozart was average, just practiced a lot!"