Trolls are supposed to live under bridges. Or in fetid forest dens. They are supposed to be freaks, squat and bug-eyed—tolerated only because they happen to have spectacularly vivid, comb-able hair. Trolls are not supposed to be privileged trust-fund recipients who share a flashy two-story beach house and zip around scoring Ecstasy in their collectible […]

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This Saturday, the Little Tikes’ Cozy Coupe will be inducted into the Cleveland’s Crawford Auto-Aviation Museum hall of fame. The foot-powered Cozy Coupe—a shoddy, plastic reproduction of Fred Flintstone’s 7,000 B.C. Flintmobile—sold 457,000 units in 2008, outperforming both the Toyota Camry and the Honda Accord. What this means: Sooner or later, your baby will predictably […]

» Continue reading "Stone-age vehicle beloved by toddlers outsells real cars!"

If taken literally, the name of my book, The Perfect Baby Handbook: A Guide for Excessively Motivated Parents, might suggest that I endorse the aggressive perfecting of infants. I don’t. PBH is a deadpan critique of over-parenting—gentle comic relief for those who are raising children in the the midst of madness. Surprisingly, its publication has […]

» Continue reading "Child (nearly) arrested for being a child"

Kids of America, beware! The New York Times has just given your parents the okay to ruin your lives. Op-ed writer/sadist David Brooks, summarizing recent research into the genesis of genius, dismisses Mozart’s innate talent and credits his dad, Mr. Mozart Sr., for whipping the lame young composer into a superhuman: What Mozart had, we […]

» Continue reading "Newsflash: Mozart was average, just practiced a lot!"