The Perfect Baby Blog

Perfect babies, perfect parents, and FAILure

Friday, August 7th, 2009

“My child must succeed! I will give her every opportunity to succeed! She will learn to write tricky words like ‘constitution’ in a lovely, calligraphic hand, but her vocabulary will never include ‘failure’!” It was such modest claims that inspired me to satirize competitive parenting in The Perfect Baby Handbook. Now, it turns out, that […]

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The hottest baby invention of 1945: The lab-rat crib!

Friday, July 24th, 2009

Cozy-looking, isn’t it? Conceived by Harvard behavioral psychologist, BF Skinner, for his second child, Deborah, this “crib” was born of the best intentions. Observing the heavy toll his wife’s parenting regimen took on her, Skinner set out to simplify it. Though not by pitching in himself… He created this baby-sized room, known as the “Baby […]

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New York Times food critic comes out as a “baby bulimic”

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

Or, more precisely, a “toddler bulimic.” In this Sunday’s New York Times Magazine, esteemed restaurant critic Frank Bruni confesses, extensively and juicily that, from an early age, he was an insanely motivated eater. And a violently needy one. By Bruni’s account, adapted from his forthcoming memoir Born Round: The Secret History of a Full-Time Eater, […]

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A “rocking sheep” that is priced, in all seriousness, at $575

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

Ordinary children have to make do with a rocking horse. Special children, whose parents like to shop online while drunk, get to own this $575 “Electric Pink Rocking Sheep” by Danish Crafts. Upholstered in lambskin, this creature is even more amazing than it first appears. Consider the web site’s description: Most nursery sheep lull you […]

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The vast, bizarro world of “The Cute Kid” contest

Saturday, June 20th, 2009

Candid admission: Earlier tonight, I saw the horror movie Drag Me To Hell (a smartly cheesy film about a young mortgage-loan manager cursed by a bug-eyed gypsy). I’m a little jumpy, unhinged. But even if I’d been calmer when I stumbled on The 2009 Cute Kid of the Year website, I suspect it would have […]

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