Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck’s daughter’s mere existence is endangering her peers, it seems. Hoping to catch Jennifer and Violet, 3, in the scandalous act of going to school, paparazzi routinely mob the entrance of Santa Monica’s First Presbyterian Nursery School—nearly trampling less newsworthy toddlers in the process, reported the Los Angeles Times today. Over […]

» Continue reading "Five ways to render Violet Affleck harmless"

I’ve been worried about Madonna. Not only have her entirely natural, 400-pound cheekbones been called into question, her plan to adopt Mercy James, a 3-year-old girl from Malawi, may have run into a snag: “Our official policy is that we do not encourage our children to be sent into broken homes,” a senior official from […]

» Continue reading "A modest proposal: Madonna could adopt Octomom!"