In the most novel twist yet in the unfolding “Jon & Kate plus 8” scandal, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review is claiming that the toxic couple is cavalierly planning to send their eight young kids to Swiss boarding schools, so the elder Gosselins can focus on becoming more repellent in a “retooled” version of the show (called […]

» Continue reading "Finally, a “Jon & Kate” rumor that’s too loathsome to be true"

Could it be their hair? I am currently working on an in-depth analysis of that baffling thing on top of sextuplet mom Kate Gosselin’s head (seriously; the website The Daily Beast has commissioned me to do so). I don’t follow Kate’s reality show, “Jon & Kate plus 8,” so I had to quickly familiarize myself […]

» Continue reading "What do this notorious mom and this ambiguous rocker have in common?"

Back from Canada. The staff at Perfect Baby Handbook HQ on Montague Street greeted me with a sign that read: “Welcome home, Dhale!”—a sly reference to the time I tried to convince my high school teachers to spell my first name with an “h.” (“Dale” was too boring, I felt and I’d just watched a […]

» Continue reading "Perfect baby names: “Eighmee” vs. “Amy”"

As previously mentioned, Perfect Baby Handbook headquarters has temporarily relocated to Los Angeles. Silver Lake, to be exact. Though the staff and I had eagerly anticipated the opportunity to study L.A. perfect-baby culture in depth, so far we’ve spied only two infants. One was introduced to me as “very close to perfect.” And I couldn’t […]

» Continue reading "The invisible babies of Los Angeles"

Here at Perfect Baby Handbook HQ, we have a short list of banned words. The first is “Danny.” The second is “Gokey.” Consequently, we’ve been forced to exult in the downfall of a certain “American Idol” contestant through the use of coded hand gestures. Our hands are aching…so much to discuss. After all, the key […]

» Continue reading "A stern warning for parents about a certain American Idol"