We all know obsessive parents who believe the entire world revolves around infants. Though understandable, this perspective is dangerously distorting. For instance, when these moms or dads attempt to read New York Times headlines, it’s quite possibly they see this:

U.S Says It Will Preserve Secret Jails for People Who Dislike My Baby

Short of Cash, California Will Start Paying Its Bills With Lightly Used Maclaren Strollers

U.S. Faces Resentment in Regions That Can’t Access My Mommy Blog

Disgraced Governor Did Not Improperly Use Public Funds, Says My Child’s Fischer-Price Talking Frog

Documents Show Iraqi Dictator’s Fear of That Smug Mom at the Park Who Wears Cheap, Cashmere-Blend Twin Sets. Exclusive!

Obama’s Poll Ratings Strong Despite His Inability to Breastfeed

Unemployment Reaches 9.5 Percent, So We Can Probably Hire a Harvard-Educated Nanny for Almost Nothing

Not that it matters, now that all nannies are about to be replaced by robots.

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• Which baby names ensure success? Ask Dr. Mehrabian!