NEW PRIORITIES: "God, Jon, start tanning without sunglasses now and then! Your eye area isn't supposed to look like that! God, you're stupid."

During this difficult, emotional, shamelessly hyped, and—if all goes as planned—massively viewed—period for the Gosselin family, no advice is more important than this sun-worshipper’s tip:

How do I prevent “raccoon eyes?”

Adjusting the protective eyewear occasionally during a tanning session will help to minimize this condition. The adjustment can be performed by gently sliding the eyewear to a new position.

Judging from these recent photos, the soon-to-be-single Kate is showing some tanning restraint. As for Jon, he’s starting to look crazy. Children need evenly tanned parents.

Related Posts:
• An emotionally draining message about sunglasses from Jon & Kate
• Obama tries desperately to get in on the “bad parent” trend
• Amy Winehouse to lurchingly scrawl a children’s book