ALLEGEDLY DOOMED: Toddler

As someone who tries to keep abreast of infant current-events, I regularly check Google News for key words like “baby,” “parenting,” “tiny genius,” and “toddler.” Here’s one thing I’ve found: Nothing good ever happens to toddlers.

It’s like there’s some unwritten rule that journalists can only use the word “toddler” in tragic contexts. (Do your own search if you doubt.) And since, much like “apple cobbler” and “teeter-totter,” it’s not a word that lends itself to tragedy, reading 12 catastrophic toddler headlines in a row can get a bit surreal:

• Toddler Burned by Coffee at iHop
• Toddler Falls from Second Story Window
• Toddler Falls into Open Storm Drain
• Toddler Okay after Falling out of Car
• Toddler Found Wandering Alone
• Toddler Found Wandering at 1 a.m.
• Toddler Wanders into Path of Roller Coaster
• Bullet Shot Through Man’s Thigh, Hits Toddler
• Toddler Hit by Tram in Blackpool
• Toddlers who Dislike Spicy Food Racist, Says Report
• Could Fat Babies Mean Fat Toddlers?

It’s not all bad, though:

• Toddler Improves After Near-Drowning

Related Posts:
• Hot parenting trend: Death-defying child transportation
• Photographic proof: Imperfection is inevitable
• Inside the “bad parent” craze