Judging from Amy Graff‘s hilariously frank observations on the SFGate’s blog, The Mommy Files, the Bay Area is fast approaching a perfection crisis. Apparently, the local demand for infant perfection is outstripping the supply, forcing left-leaning parents to resort to desperate measures: bragging, rationalizing, and meretricious hand-sterilizing.

DOLLED UP: Bay Area resident engages in gender-neutral play

In her lists, “Stuff S.F. Parents Like: Part I” and “Part II,” Graff reports on parents who appear to have studied The Perfect Baby Handbook—Ardent Liberals Edition a little too closely. Among their identifying behaviors:

Bragging about the diversity at their children’s schools “Over 60 percent of the kids at Emma’s school qualify for free or reduced lunch so I feel like she’s getting a ‘real’ experience.”

Buying their boys Barbies “I’m really trying to shelter him from gender stereotypes so he can become his own person.”

Sending their kids to public schools “We didn’t get into a school in San Francisco in Round I or Round II. In fact, we didn’t get into a school until 10 days after school started…but we absolutely LOVE our school.”

Bragging about their child’s friend who has two mommies or daddies. “We spent the weekend up in Tahoe with one of Lily’s best friends from preschool. You know her friend has two moms, and we all bonded over the weekend.”

Talking about their children’s friends’ rich parents. “We had a play date at their three-story house in PacHeights. I felt so uncomfortable there. I don’t think I’d want a big house. I much prefer our 1,000-square-feet in Noe Valley.”

Potty training their 1-year-olds “Do you even know how bad diapers are for the environment?”

(via Strollerderby)

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