Hallmark Cards has often been accused of “inventing” Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, as well as Monday, to make more money. (Only partly true; The Bangles invented Monday.) Now, the taciturn, emotionless greeting card company has hatched a new plot:

Hallmark research shows consumers are adopting another use for Mother’s Day. The day that traditionally serves as an opportunity for children to honor their Mothers is fast becoming a day when moms encourage each other … Hallmark has added several “Mom-to-Mom” choices to meet this Mother’s Day sending need, including innovative formats, such as Cards with Sound.

CRUCIAL: Hallmark's latest brainchild

You gotta love this press release. No attempt to substantiate this “research.” (A Google search reveals no other evidence of this fast-growing “mom-to-mom card” trend.) The brazen claim that “Cards with Sound” satisfy a “sending need” suggests that moms are, by definition, not only unable to find encouragement at any number of message-boards but hearing-impaired.

Maybe I’m too cynical. What do you think about this idea? Hold on. Before you answer, please watch this legendary 1986 Hallmark Card TV commercial (starring Nancy McKeon of “The Facts of Life”) and note how convenient greeting cards can be when you’re completely inarticulate:

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