BAD INLUENCE: The Ostrich

Here at Perfect Baby Handbook Worldwide Headquarters on Montague Street, we collect news stories about both perfect and imperfect child-rearing. Frieda Blimlock, head of our Oddness Department, contends that these five headlines are among the most amusing:

1. Canadian Parents Fooled Into Raising Prostitutes: Considering that most Canadian parents aspire to raise either malingerers or despots, they’re truly falling down on the job.

2. Parenting With and Without Godly Principles (Part 2 of 4): So…you want me to parent with Godly Principles from 8 am to 10 am, then employ Heathen Principles until noon?

3. Firefighters Free Girl, 3, From Potty: This may explain why so many infants are wary of toilet training.

4. Ostrich Parents Encourage Teen Pregnancies: Meanwhile emus are pressuring children to wear tube-tops and trumpeter swans are promoting sexting.

5. Should Kids See Their Parents Naked?: Or is it better to blindfold them and let them explore their parents’ nude bodies through the sense of touch alone?

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