I don’t know about you, but I’m perfectly willing to read a thoughtful 1500-word review of a movie like Slumdog Millionaire or the irritating/haunting Happy-Go-Lucky. I’m not, however, eager to read 800 words on a pacifer. (And, incidentally, can I tell you from very recent experience that baby carrots taste great with guacamole, especially if you have nothing else remotely dippable in the house.)

Herewith, some extremely terse reviews of products that have caught my eye:

1. Bollywood Pants for Babies, $34, from Shampoodle

REVIEW: Babies already pear-shaped. Please avoid!

2. Wee Pirate Swords, $5 each, by Little Allouette

REVIEW: Amoral Somalis terrible role models!

3. Upside-down Colors T-shirt, $58, by El Ultimo Grito

REVIEW: Designed for precocious Satanists, yes?

4. Shape-Maker Blocks Puzzle, by Miller Goodman

REVIEW: Extremely cool. Warning; Baby migraine!

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