The Perfect Baby Blog

Baby preacher delivers whimsical, power-mad sermon

Saturday, April 25th, 2009

Some say parents are giving children too much power, allowing them to dictate what the family eats or where it vacations. This baby, for example. appears to be outlining exactly what his parents will be doing in hell.

Although his remarks from the pulpit are a bit garbled, I’m pretty sure he begins by insisting that the members of the congregation hop on one foot for 15 hours unless they want Satan to vengefully smash their PopTarts. Then Preacher Baby demands that they tithe him 10 percent of their incomes so that he can afford more prostitutes Lego. Then he shakes his fist and breathes fire, provoking worshippers to praise Jesus for giving him the opportunity to mimic terrible role-models. God Bless America!

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