Gossip sites are avidly reporting a rumor that Angelina Jolie is “pressuring” her brother James Haven to adopt a kid. One she can “co-parent.” Oh, and Brad is displeased, because he’s finally figured out that she’s a baby addict and would ingest babies in pill form if she could. Why doesn’t she just open a celebrity baby orphanage and co-parent up to 100 babies and score amazing airport photo ops when she takes them all to Japan?

EXPECTING? Angelina and bro

Oh my god, I just realized something. You know that fashion-photo cliche that was so popular in the ’90s…some white model lady (Linda Evangelista, for example) stalks the streets of a Third-World Village followed adoringly by a crowd of photogenic dark-skinned children? The scenario was always very Pied Piper. The children appeared entranced by her height and whiteness. If I had 14 spare hours, I’d dig up one of these photos for you online. (Vogue ran a variation almost every issue for a while, it seemed.)

Anyway, that’s Angelina. Or at least the Angelina the gossip rags yearn for her to be.