The Perfect Baby Blog

Archive for April, 2009

Hot new toddler craze: Joining Mensa!

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

It was announced today that Elise Tan Roberts, a two-year-old Brit, has been accepted by Mensa, “The High-I.Q. Society,” making her the youngest friendless nerd ever. In this video, the legitimately adorable Elise Tan—or as I like to call her, E.T.—demonstrates the best way to wear a high-pony while identifying the capital of Indonesia. E.T. […]

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This little piggy went…abruptly out of style

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

With over 100 U.S. schools closed now to limit the spread of swine flu, fear is rising. Parents are concerned about children. Children are concerned about their friends. Yet surprisingly few Americans appear to be concerned about the fate of the pig as a super-cute children’s clothing motif. This is wrong. Swine have faced an […]

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Photographic Proof: Imperfection is inevitable

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

Please look at this astonishing yearly photo-diary a father took of his daughter, Alison, from toddlerhood to young adulthood. I’m not sure what to think of it. Alison starts off as more than passably perfect. Around eight, she grows surly; begins to favor ominous Cleopatra eye-makeup at 12. When a series of boyfriends—some of the […]

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A rare glimpse of Perfect Baby Handbook Headquarters

Monday, April 27th, 2009

In response to those readers (mostly German) who’ve doubted the existence of The Perfect Baby Handbook Worldwide Headquarters on Montague Street, here it is. This is where the magic happens. At least 3/4 of the magic happens on the main floor. The middle floor is occupied by middling management, while junior departments auch as the […]

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Angelina’s brother to enable her baby addiction?

Monday, April 27th, 2009

Gossip sites are avidly reporting a rumor that Angelina Jolie is “pressuring” her brother James Haven to adopt a kid. One she can “co-parent.” Oh, and Brad is displeased, because he’s finally figured out that she’s a baby addict and would ingest babies in pill form if she could. Why doesn’t she just open a […]

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