The book came out today, so naturally, it’s been hectic here at Perfect Baby Handbook Worldwide Headquarters on Montague Street. Ken, our associate pun director, began passing out cigars until Hildy, our breastfeeding quips coordinator, launched a protest focusing on the dangers of second-hand smoke.

Ram Tough: A young Steve McQueen

Intern Charlie, who’s shown potential as the newest member of our pointless nonsense team, suddenly grew serious when he discovered that the book shares its birthday with Clyde Barrow (of Bonnie and Clyde infamy). Would the book grow up to be a mass murderer? We all freaked out then, but luckily, I was able to calm the staff by pointing out that Lara Flynn Boyle was also born on March 24. Not to mention such other notable Arians as Harry Houdini, animator Joseph Barbera, How I Met Your Mother’s Alyson Hannigan, and Steve McQueen. Calm ensued and we all curled up for our 2 p.m naps.