Is there anything Ikea can’t do? It’s dignified poverty, introduced colorful words like “snigler” and “aspudden” into public discourse, hypnotized Americans with its uncanny “birch effect,” and made good design affordable. But now, if the following documents obtained by the Perfect Baby Blog’s Swedish correspondents Elise and Steve Holmqvist are any indication, Ikea is expanding into the realm of “perfect design.” Which isn’t to say that assembling its latest product—code named BAB—won’t make you want to kill yourself. Here’s a sneak preview. (To download the full instructions, click here):
1. The first page of the instructions suggests the product will be a big-seller among minimalist couples who don't mind slightly ashen offspring with grim, Nordic expressions.
2. All hardware is, naturally, supplied, including the Tiny Wrench of Doom and eight "101350" metal finger-dowels.
3. According to the Lundqvists, some buyers feel that, although the product complements their Expedit bookshelves, Vreta sofa, and Bresta TV solution, its toe seams are too visible.
4. Sloppy assembly can result in a product that has no chance in hell of getting into a leading nursery school, or even being wait-listed.
5. Truly sloppy assembly can result in a product that requires considerable patience when it's time for potty training.