Breaking! Suri Cruise, the world’s leading celebrity, debuted a provocative new coiffure when the Cruise family hit Japan yesterday to attend the Tokyo Valkyrie premiere. While the look (below left) may merely be Inadvertent Bed-Head, it’s impossible not to speculate that Suri’s new peek-a-boo bangs are a knowing homage to silver-screen actress, Veronica Lake (below right). If so, what a debacle!

Don’t the Cruises realize that Veronica is a terrible above-the-neck Role Model? While she achieved some success, notably in the film-noir This Gun For Hire (rent it), her inability to use both her eyes left her constantly walking into brick walls and cactuses. To blunt the chronic pain, she drank heavily, and, in 1962, was found tending bar in a run-down hotel. In her last film, 1970s’ Flesh Feast, the washed-up, asymmetrically coiffed Lake bravely played a doctor who’s discovered how to use maggots to make her patients look younger.

Please save Suri from this fate: Send any barrettes, hair-bands, and bobby-pins you can spare to Restore Suri’s Peripheral Vision, Box 20177, Santa Monica, CA, 90401.