A modest proposal: Madonna could adopt Octomom!
Saturday, March 28th, 2009
I’ve been worried about Madonna. Not only have her entirely natural, 400-pound cheekbones been called into question, her plan to adopt Mercy James, a 3-year-old girl from Malawi, may have run into a snag:
“Our official policy is that we do not encourage our children to be sent into broken homes,” a senior official from Malawi’s Ministry of Women and Child Welfare Development said of the singer, who has romanced 22-year-old model Jesus Luz and Alex Rodriguez since divorcing Guy Ritchie last year. “Her relationships may negatively affect the adoption of Mercy.”
If thing go awry, and Madonna still wants to envelop needy, immature humans in her soft, veiny arms, I have a modest proposal: Why doesn’t she just adopt Nadya Suleman? Yes, Octomom. I’m actually serious. This could work. Examine the advantages:
1. This way, Madonna can adopt in bulk: By rescuing Nadya and her children from a serious case of narcissism, Madonna could—in one fell swoop—get 15 immature new creatures to scatter decoratively around her mansions, totally one-upping Brangelina in terms of meretricious nurturing.
2. Madonna could whip Octomom into shape: The self-made Arterial Girl does not put up with sniveling, incompetence, flabbiness, sponging off government agencies, or a poor work ethic. Within weeks, Madonna will have Nadya putting in 14-hour-days hand-silkscreening concert t-shirts for the upcoming “Madonna And Nadya Plus 17 Tour.”
3. The octuplets will be guaranteed a better future: As precision back-up dancers. They already look alike and Lourdes can hardly be expected to simulate sexual positions onstage alone.
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