As a follower of childrearing dos and dont’s, I was appalled by a recent study documenting some of the most egregious baby names ever—apparently the result of parental attempts at “humor.”

Among the names mentioned in the study: Stan Still, Paige Turner, Hazel Nutt, and the involuntarily festive “Mary Christmas.” While Mr. and Mrs. Still may have been amused, I doubt that the hapless Stan (a retired British airman) has spent any of his 76 years on earth chuckling.

This reminds me of a classic piece in Spy Magazine that contemplated the sort of baby-name tragedies that result when famous people with colorful names marry. The example I’ll always remember went something like this: “If Tuesday Weld had married Fredric March, and borne a daughter, she may have well been named Tuesday March the 2nd.”

This would, of course, be funnier if Tuesday Weld were still capable of conceiving, and Frederick March were actually alive. But still.